The perfectionist mindset

What comes to mind when you hear the term 'perfectionist'? Personally, I used to equate being a perfectionist with determination, strong work ethic, and success. However, I failed to see the flipside of the coin. As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, it took me a very long time to recognize the negative impact that my highly perfectionist mindset had had on me.

I first began to recognize that my perfectionism was negatively affecting my well-being when I started my practicum for my counselling degree. I had vaguely heard of the phenomenon of 'imposter syndrome', when it came and knocked me on my a**. I had managed to land my dream practicum placement in a residential addiction treatment centre, when I realized that I was riddled with self-doubt, and I had no confidence in my skills as a counsellor (even though I had gone through two years of intensive schooling).

It was at that point when started self-reflecting and gaining insight into my behaviours and thought patterns. I learned that my perfectionism had developed early on in life, and that it resulted from my childhood and family upbringing. Perfectionism leads to a thought process called 'black and white thinking' where everything is characterized as either a complete success or complete failure - there's no in between. In my case, I realized that I had become so crippled with fear of failure, that it felt safer not to try at all. 

So how did I work through it? I started by building self-compassion and self-acceptance (not easy by any means, but I'll address how to work on that in a different post). I then started to work on shifting my thought patterns. Rather than categorizing things in terms of success vs. failure, I began to look at my attempted accomplishments, successful or not, as learning opportunities. That's the thing about life, if we choose to, we can turn any instance into a learning opportunity. This is especially important to keep in mind when we're trying new things or learning new skills. 

Fast forward a few years later. I still haven't fully shaken my perfectionist mindset, and honestly, I don't know if I ever fully will. The black and white thinking and moments of self-doubt still creep up on me from time to time, but the difference is that I'm now more self-aware, and I have developed the tools to effectively manage my perfectionism.

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